a lost soul

I know it is not the end of the world and I know crying does not help either. But I just cannot accept it. Not at the moment. I need some time to calm down but I know I do not have much time.

This is the biggest failure in my life. It is so bad. What have I been doing for so long? I am so disappointed at myself, I am so useless. I have even let peoples who loves me down. I am so so so sorry. Almost everything is done and suddenly, just one more... Why?

I do not know which way I should go from this point. It is a really tough decision. A decision which will change the rest of my life. I am lost, I am lost in a maze looking for a way out. This way, no? Or that way?

Sometimes I ask myself, do I really want that? Is that really what I want? Or that is just because someone else wants it that way? Answer? I do not know...

selling books

Today went back Taylors to sell off all my A-Levels books. I was lucky because my books went off pretty fast. All were sold in 2 hours, except for a Biology past year book. Some of them were there since 7 something in the morning, and they still left with a few books when we "close shop" at 2 something. The price of my books were not very low tho, they were even higher than some of the others. I guess it's the quality of my books.

I realise I tend to be late for "outings" with my friends recently. I used to be one of the ealiest, I wonder why .Like today, I was supposed to reach college around 11:30am. But ended up I reached at 12pm >.<

生日快乐!

黄义达! 生日快乐! 哈哈! 好啦, 是以德, 对不对? 要不然就YI DE咯...
你一定是以为我忘了你的生日吧!
20岁咯, 大个仔咯, 生性啲咯~~~
在此祝你生日快乐! 心想事成!
A-LEVEL 考到好成绩!
卖书时才请你吃LUNCH!

看我几大牺牲? 特地用华语来TYPE这篇ENTRY.
感动吗? 高兴吗? 还不快点感谢我? 哈哈!

Happy New Year!

There goes year 2005, everything seems just happened yesterday. Time do flies huh... In less than 1 month time, we'll be celebrating chinese new year. Less than 20 days, A-levels result will be out. There are so many things that I still haven't done. I still haven't meet up with my primary schoolmates yet. I still haven't bring my mp3 to fix, I haven't watch "perhaps love", I haven't buy any new year clothes, I haven't buy shoes, coin bag, specs...etc... Ahh~~~ so many things to be done and yet, there's so little time. This is also why I gave up on looking for a part time job which I actually planned to get one early of holidays. Oh well, nevermind, I can work anytime I want after I graduated. Anyway, Happy 2006 to everyone! Have a great year ahead!

24th nov 2005

Happy belated 19th birthday to Li Shawn!

---

6:30pm --- CAL Graduation Ball @ Holiday Villa, Subang.

As usual, the performances of this prom were boring. Live band from don't know where, hip-hop dance from college dance club and a few songs by Sharifah xxx from Malaysian Idol2. I guess the most highlighted event for that night was the crowning of prom king, well at least it was for our class because our dear classmate, Ganesha was nominated for prom king. So we had to cheer as loud as we can for him to beat the other nominees. We had to cheer for second round because the cheer for him and another guy who actually dares to wear a black suit with white short pants were merely the same. At the end, Ganesha won! Luckily, we cheered until most of us had sore throat, even my mentor also clapped her hands until it's red.

For prom queen, out of four nominees, two of them were korean and my support goes to jin seon, the prom queen. I believe that most of my classmates support her too. She looks gorgeous with her gown that night. However, we had no more energy to cheer for her. We just sat down to observe the supporters and I saw two female lecturers were screaming just like a student.

Here are some pictures,


This is my fingers and toes with nail art + prom ticket


Part of PM14 and my buddies


With our Bio lecturer, Ms Ko and mentor+Chem lecturer, Pn Nurfaizah.


With the CAL Prom King 2005 and Chew Yen.


And lastly, the Petunians!

im not

being paranoid... No! I'm not! But seriously, I'm really worry about my exam. I know I shouldn't be blogging now. I should be studying in the library instead of blogging. But I can't seem to concentrate studying lately. This is the disadvantage of the exam for dragging so long. I lost my study mood and I really really really need it back, otherwise how am I going to get good result to enter the Uni that I want?

I really hope they'll send me another offer letter, an unconditonal offer.A conditional offer will just make me even more nervous about my exam, I feel more pressure. What take them so long? or is it my A2 forecast is not good enough?

"Stephen, I know you won't be reading this but I still want to thank you for getting my A2 forecast from the college!"

Talking about forecast, surprisingly my Bio and Maths teacher gave me a quite good forecast. Especially maths, I was so shock when I saw it in IDP. For Bio, the grade is just a lil' bit higher than what I'm expecting in real A2 result(maths' was way higher). They do motivate me to work harder. Thank you Ms Ko! Thank you Mrs Sukhdev!

Happy Birthday to my dearest sister, Suet Jing!

p/s: have fun celebrating with your friends! next year i'll be celebrating with you! ; )

embarassing-nya

Today, Teng, mom and I went for lunch in paramount after fetching Teng from school. So as usual, after my mom park the car, while she is locking the car and stuff, I'll go to pay the parking fee. After that, when I walked back to the car, opened the door and placed the parking ticket on top of the dashboard, I realised that mom and Teng weren't in the car. I thought they probably standing somewhere around waiting for me. So I looked around searching for them but couldn't see them. Then I looked back into the empty car, still thinking where could they be. and wait! something is wrong with this car! oh no! this is not my mom's car! gosh~~~ it's just another CRV parking beside my mom's car. I quickly took back the parking ticket out and ran to my mom's car. I was wondering where was the owner of that car... How come no one stopped me, screamed or yelled or anything after I opened "my mom's" car door for more than 10 secs. I looked around to see if there's anyone looking at me. Then for sure that will be the owner of that car and I thought of saying sorry to that person. But I don't see anyone. *sigh* blur me... = ='"

Half-Blood Prince

Finally, I had finished reading the book 6 of Harry Potter series. I started reading it on monday and finished it yesterday, slow huh... Sandy finished it in one day, on the day itself when the book released. She started at 11+ in morning and finish around 12 at night. ~12hrs... fuiyoh... i really "pui fok" her. I prefer Order fo Pheonix than this book. Like what Hoi said, this book is not that "chi gik", especially the first few chapters(I fell asleep halfway reading it). Anyway, there's one part that I really like it. It was when Harry was assisting Dumbledore swimming back to the bank, he told Dumbledore not to worry because he can apparate both of them back to hogsmeade. Then the weak Dumbledore replied, "I am not worried, I am with you." Aww... so touching. And the ending was so sad, he died for nothing. After drinking the potion, what he got was a fake Horcruxe...

whee~~~

oh ya! JJ won 4 awards during the 5th Global Chinese Music Awards which was held in Bukit Jalil yesterday night! =P

I'm back

but not for too long I guess. A2 is coming in less than 2 months and I'm so not prepared yet. Gotta get started soon.(I wonder when...)

Anyway, my mom told me that she remembered last time a "feng shui sifu" told her the place I used to study when I was in primary school is the "man cheong wai"(a place for studying where u can remember better and get better results) in my house, which is the table opposite my piano. I don't know how true it is, but my sis n my results really dropped eversince we stopped using that table. Maybe it was just so coincidence, but what that "feng shui sifu" said always turn out to be true. So I think I should start studying/do my homework on that table again. Hope it's not too late...

haze

It's 1:30pm now and I'm in the web. The last class for today-Bio supposed to end at 2pm. But due to the haze class was dismissed half an hour ealier or I should say the whole A-level. The haze is getting worse and worse now. Yesterday's was even better although it was very bad and Subang's condition is even worse than PJ. I can't wait to go home now, I missed the fresh air. Well, at least the air in my house "smells" a lil' bit better.

I didn't know haze can made me spend more money too. I've already use up a total of 20 bucks for yesterday and today's lunch. Know why, cause we're avoiding from staying outdoor means no more foodcourt and coffee shop. Left those a lil' more expensive shops which have air-cond and DOOR. We're already breathing in polluted air, we don't want our foods to be polluted also and drinking acid water.
Aih~~~ I can see everyone walking outside is wearing mask now. gotta go now... mom is here. I'm going home!!!

pbsm installation

Saturday 30-07-05

The theme was "candy shower", don't really remember about the story behind it. Then the banner was really cute and it's plastic! So professional! Compared to what we did last time, ahah! big pieces of white cloth, stitch it together, then slowly draw and paint on it, and have to let it dry... so much of work... The opening dance was not bad, I guess it's because mei wan was there, she really can dance. Second dance was... *ahem... Last dance! They called it a comedy dance I think, dance by incoming and outgoing board. It's another dance that I enjoyed although they don't have those "chun" dance steps.

The guy with yellow shirt standing in the middle is the new president.


Share video at JussPress.com


Besides those I mentioned on top, other than that, like foods and emcee... etc... were just so so. Quite boring tough. And both of the duet songs, it would be nice if the girl wasn't there(just make it solo) or if she didn't walked too much because she keep on walking around on the field when she was singing. @_@

Another birthday celebration

Happy 19th Birthday Young Shi!!!

Today is Young Shi's birthday. The chocolate mud cake from secret recipe was really nice! chocolate taste was very strong so it's worth it although it cost 62 Ringgit.

Took another maths test today, again, I know I'd failed it. Is either I failed, or I failed badly, or I failed really badly... @_@ I never hate maths for all these years until early this year which is the starting of A2 syllabus. I don't know whether it's the lecturer's problem or it's my problem. Probably is mine, I don't know. We'll see how later since I've just started my maths tuition. Some of you might be thinking I'm wasting my parents money for taking extra classes since I'm already paying few thousands for my course. But I really don't want to spoil my performance for maths. Maths was my best subject all this while eversince I started schooling, I don't want my last maths paper to ruin it. Just 1 more...

JJ's Showcase at PGRM

It was great! Although it was just a showcase not concert, everyone was still so high!

Nick Chung and his sister came too. A lot of them were shouting his name when he came in : Zhong Sheng Zhong! Haha! As if it was his showcase. Then surprisingly, he and his sister walked towards us and sat down one seat away from Teng(means 2 for me). Another girl sitting beside Teng was like: "omg! omg! I'm so scared! He's sitting beside me! Oh! What should I do! Oh gosh!" Haha! she was so funny! Then later, hehe... they found out that they'd sat on the wrong place and went two row infront of us.

The show started around 8:45pm with the song, the mummy. Everyone shouted, screamed so loudly when they saw JJ, especially those standing behind us. I almost went deaf... and I was so scared that they will push away the fence and ran over us. But luckily they didn't. During the showcase, JJ came down from the stage once to shake hand with us. When it's my turn, he couldn't pass through the place behind our seats because the camera man and his "huge camera" was blocking. So he was told by the security to turn back... = ="' But nevermind, I still got to shake hand with him when he signed my album. =P

They showed us VCR on JJ when he was young! He wore specs and braces too! And he looked so err... geeky, nerd... haha! His hair style also, hah! No comments!

This a video when JJ was teaching 5 of his fans to dance part of his song.

Share video at JussPress.com

=)

I know I've flunk my math test although I just took it today. I know it!
Nevermind, it won't spoil my day. I have a bright sunny day!

do you know time has wings?

Now Listening - 翅膀 JJ林俊杰

Was looking at my college calendar just now and I realised that there's only ~2 months left to my A2 Trial exam, ~3 months to A2. Gosh... I thought I just finish my AS not long ago? And today is just the 2nd day of the semester. Time passes by so fast without us noticing, I still can remember what happened on the 1st day of college. Everything seems just happened yesterday.

Just had my bio test today. Yes, test on the 2nd day of college. At least we were told about it 1 week ago and there're only 2 chapters. So much better than those who are taking physics(poor yew meng) because they were told about the test yesterday, 8 chapters and they are going have it tomorrow. Next will be maths tests, we'll be having it on the next 2 mondays. Sigh~~~ I'm not complaining for having tests. It's for our own good since exam is just around the corner. I need more time, more time to catch up my maths, more time to study, more time to play, to sleep. tik tok tik tok tik tok......

bored~~~

Now Listening - 猜不透 张韶涵

Holidays are boring~~~ uhh... I'm so bored at home. I've practically got nothing to do except for going online. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm doing online. "back", "refresh", the same few websites for a few hour.

And I'm bored of the colour of my blog too, gotta do something to it.

JJ's showcase is on the 5th of July, it's at Menara PGRM, KL. so far... why so far? why not in sunway? yerrr... I hope I can make it. Anyone of you have anyway to get the entry tickets? I want! Oh, just heard it from the radio, another showcase will be on the 3rd, at Klang Parade = ='" again, why so far... Ok, back to the tickets. This time the tickets can't be exchange with the original CD. They can only be win thru' some radio contests(darn! it's so difficult to call in!) and buying Celcom Xpax(bah! I'm already using 019!) So anyone can get the tickets? I want! I want!

survey

Now Listening - 被风吹过的夏天 林俊杰 & 金莎

just found out i was asked to do this survey by ck and elane...

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. suet yee
2. yi(my dad)
3. bb(my family n some relatives)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. nemo(NS friends)
2. olive (NS friends)
3. suet suet

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. too skinny
2. short
3. not fair enough

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. nose
2. nails
3. hair

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. when my dad gets angry
2. failing my papers #_#
3. a lot more...

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. family
2. friends
3. my muvo(muahahaha...)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1. specs
2. t-shirt from pasar malam
3. shorts from pasar malam

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTISTS:
1. JJ
2. Angela Chang(like her voice)
3. anyone, as long as their songs are nice


THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONGS:
1. 简简单单 - JJ 林俊杰
2. 手心的太阳 - 张韶涵
3. 嫁给我 - 杜德伟

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. heterosexual(me scared of lesbo...)
2. only me n him
3. err... he loves me more than i love him =P

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. height
2. smile
3. standard size(haha... as in not too skinny n macho, too macho will be digusting, oily skins, ewww...)

THREE OF YOUR FAVOURITE HOBBIES:
1. online-ing
2. sleepzZzZz
3. bowling

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. I wanna go redang...
2. go swimming
3. n be alone

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Korea
2. Japan
3. Paris

THREE KIDS' NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. never thought of it before
2. -
3. -

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. get married to the one i want
2. n have at least 1 child
3. n... do whatever i want to do...

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A BOY:
1. i laugh quite loud
2. err...
3. whatelse?

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL:
1. i'm 4+4, 2+6, 10-2, 16/2, 4*2 ......
2. emotional
3. i wear skirt? hehe...

THREE CELEB CRUSHES :
1. Daniel Wu
2. Edison Chen
3. JJ

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS SURVEY NOW:
1. YukJing
2. Hui Xian
3. Li Shawn(so u better update yr blog)

quick update

Now Listening - I'm sorry BoA

I've got so many things to blog, but I'm so lazy to blog... @_@ Ok, just a brief one...

• Just finished my last AS paper today-Chem 2. I'm so dumb, the paper was easy. Too easy until I couldn't do it = ='". How can 1 whole question just asking about reagents and conditions? and it worth 10 marks! Where are those chemical energetics, period 3, group 2&7, reaction kinetics, Kc & Kp, partial pressure questions??? where are those more complicated chapters where I studied really hard for it??? There goes my Chem paper...
• AS ended today (for me), means tomorrow onwards, I can really enjoy my 2 weeks semester break before sem3 begins. It will be tougher, obviously...
• A-Level prom is officially cancelled. Don't really mind that because I still have another semester to go before I finish my A-Level, save my money. We have really really lousy student council this year I have to say. Prom venue is in Holiday Villa(subang), nevermind, RM95 per ticket, n-e-v-e-r-m-i-n-d. And now it was forced to cancel because too few people are going, only 10 tables if I'm not wrong. Sigh~~~
• Went red box. Sandy's voice was so loud until we can't hear our own voice when singing with her(there're 2 mics, for those who don't know). So we decided not to sing when she's singing and did background vocal after each sentence she sang(like ohhh~~, wooo~~, yeah~~ ...etc...), then only we can really hear our voice. It was so funny... Went for bowling after that, before game everyone was saying they don't know how to bowl, long time didn't bowl...etc... at the end of the game, everyone's scores was like 7,8,9,spares and even strikes! pro...... and the ball can seems to be rolling towards the "drain", everyone thought so too, then last minute it can suddenly rolled back to the centre and hit all the pins = ='"
• And last but not least, To Wen Teng, Chai Kun, Yeong Ru, Elane and Swee Keng, Thank you for the lunch on last Tuesday, thank you very muchie...

I've somemore to blog but I can't remember what... hmmm...