a lost soul

I know it is not the end of the world and I know crying does not help either. But I just cannot accept it. Not at the moment. I need some time to calm down but I know I do not have much time.

This is the biggest failure in my life. It is so bad. What have I been doing for so long? I am so disappointed at myself, I am so useless. I have even let peoples who loves me down. I am so so so sorry. Almost everything is done and suddenly, just one more... Why?

I do not know which way I should go from this point. It is a really tough decision. A decision which will change the rest of my life. I am lost, I am lost in a maze looking for a way out. This way, no? Or that way?

Sometimes I ask myself, do I really want that? Is that really what I want? Or that is just because someone else wants it that way? Answer? I do not know...